Who I am

Burwell, John Michael, 1979-, Founding President, People’s Committee to Arm the Unemployed. Current secret project: The Eggburger. Born, Angleton, Texas. At first influenced by classic rock and the Commodore 64, he discovered the Macintosh LC in 1992, and in 1995 Burwell came under the influence of progressive rock and jam bands. Among his best-known works of this period are Mitsubishi: What You Don’t See (1994) and the first known photochop, Christie Brinkley Topless With Tattler (1995, now lost).

In 1997 Burwell moved to San Antonio, where he developed his talents, bitterness, and contempt. He jointly founded and published the underground newspaper Trinity Student in 1999, popular on campus for its biting satirical commentary and “shroud of mystery.” He violently defended Socratic notions of rationality and self-control until discovering the work of Robert Anton Wilson. He is currently investigating the boundaries of epistemological void and ontologorrhea.

In late-1950′s Argentina, his short film, “Oatmeal Raisin Murder” was received coldly by critics, driving him into a deep and isolated depression out of which came the best-selling novel “I’ve Come to the Conclusion That, Who Cares.” Later works include the cookbook “1001 Meals from Common Household Items,” the leaflet “John Ashcroft is the New Washington Monument,” and a textbook on digital wireless broadband technology.

Happily, he died in 2054 at the age of 30, with much work to be done. He was remembered as a man who would have changed the world if it weren’t for that volcano, which was good, as the alternative is to be remembered as a cranky old man who spent his whole life not doing a damn thing.

He enjoys ignoring his bike, stubbing his toes, and moving useless artifacts of consumeristic existence from one area of the house to another so that he can sweep.