Black MacBook, destroyer of worlds

I’ve been vocal in my eagerness for the silver-everything fad to fade away. I feel it has spiraled far beyond humanity’s humble ability to control it, and I’ve been biding my time for the weight of the phenomenon to collapse inward on itself, until once again, silver does in fact automatically mean “crappy.” It would be then that the one true color, black, could be restored to its rightful dominance among subtly brilliant machines, and our equipment racks will exude fierce and measured menace for inferior components and their foolish and useless attendants.

But now, after having my PowerBook for the past three years, I’ve come to find the fine texture of the light gray aluminum enclosure inviting. Black now seems so bleak and cold by comparison, casting the cheery MacOS glowing from the deep borders of the MacBook’s display in a veil of isolation, even loneliness. Could this the be reality, as it truly is? Has my blind adherence to these vehement ideologies numbed me until I was no longer even aware of their brutal absurdity? It seemed easier back then. Fewer questions.

At this point, though, I don’t know what to trust. Anything could be a lie. The thing to do now is clear: each must be analyzed to the last detail and carefully evaluated. We must tear into this beast alive to reveal the bloody soul of the ancient battle between light and dark, good and evil.

If the white iBooks seemed like some sort of equipment they’d have on board the Death Star, then the black MacBook is certainly among the especially sinister and glowing machines reserved for the Emperor himself. Even Vader just uses a fifteen-inch PowerB… er, MacBook Pro. Only the Emperor is entitled to something so black as the new MacBook. It’s just too totally black for anyone else to handle, including those guys who wear totally red.

This new MacBook, with its supremely mechanical keyboard styling evocative of the Death Star’s main gun firing panel and Grass Valley switchers, hypnotically begs its user to push its buttons with focused intensity, as though composing an instant message involved the ignition sequence for an interplanetary laser missile gun. Type on it, and your journey to the dark side will be complete.

But why, then, would its keys not be backlit in correspondence with its position of awesome power beneath the Emperor’s gnarly fingers? The answer can only be that the dark Sith Master simply has no patience for illumination. He prefers to activate the crisp, precise scissor-type key mechanisms with the force of the will of his mind. He has no need to “see” the keys, padawan. His overconfidence may be his weakness, but your faith in your labels is yours.

With this, I believe, we can at last set to rest the endless debate. It should be black anodized aluminum, not plastic, with a backlit keyboard.

5 Responses to “Black MacBook, destroyer of worlds”

  1. w0lfie Says:

    no way. as much as i love the idea of anodized aluminum, plastic is surely the way to go. the aluminum case of the powerbook greatly reduces the efficacy of the built in WiFi antenna. *makes choking noises* *telekinetically lifted six inches into the air* *more choking noises* *dies*

  2. Dr. Pantzo Says:

    I’m divided on the shell material issue. I had a plastic iBook G3 until about eight months ago. Then I got an aluminum PowerBook. I agree that polycarbonate plastic is more wifi-friendly and probably also more sturdy by most measures. But damn, the aluminum looks and feels so good. I also get the feeling that the aluminum allows for a thinner design, which makes me chuckle smugly whenever I put the PowerBook into my Targus generic laptop bag, obviously designed for three-inch-thick Dells as evidenced by the way the straps reach around past their velcroed regions when they attempt to embrace my ultra-svelt 15″ PowerBook. I have no doubt that black anodized aluminum would be about the most emperor-fit laptop material around and probably worth the slight compromise in airport reception the aluminum MacBook Pros make relative to the polycarbonate MacBooks.

  3. John Says:

    Oh right. Also, the new MBP’s have the antenna behind a plastic cover embedded in the hinge of the display. Rick, on the G4 you and I have, the antennas are behind the plastic covers on the side edges of the display (near the top).

    I can say for sure though that the MBP gets fantastic wifi reception. I’m sure a combination of re-engineered antenna location and intel-based wifi helps tremendously. The Emperor would no doubt be satisfied with the wifi (and bluetooth) antenna in the hinge as it is, coupled with the new chipset.

  4. DrPantzo Says:

    I realized I should have divulged certain relevant details about my own silver versus black gadgets:

    Black Items: wallet, car key, desk chair

    Silver Items: 2004 Volkswagen Golf GL, 15″ PowerBook G4, cell phone (RAZR v3, also with aluminum shell components)

    Silver & Black: headphones, FireWire hard drive enclosure

  5. w0lfie Says:

    well, since reception is no problem, black anodized aluminum is the way to go. All the HPs and dells are starting to go silver to copycat the PowerBook, much in the way some vendors tried to go blue after the iMac.

    what about using ABS (aka Lego’s) the next time around?